'Malicious compliance... was easy for me. I just stopped talking': Team of scientists falls into disaray after one scientist refuses to speak following feedback from their boss

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Oct 19, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

This person's boss had some feedback for them, but it was so vague that the employee was left baffled. 

Most employees have quarterly or yearly check-ins with their supervisors. It's a good way to manage expectations and address any concerning employee behavior before it becomes a major problem. This person worked on a team of scientists who seem to have some communication issues all around. This employee's boss tried to warn them that they were coming off as "contemptuous" when they spoke to the others on their team. With such an accusation, you'd think that numerous people on their team had reported them for acting impolitely. However, the boss had zero feedback on how the employee could improve… That's why they say people don't leave bad jobs, they leave bad bosses. Why would you want to work for a boss who has literally no feedback for you on how to improve yourself? 

This person didn't leave their company right away, but they did stop talking for quite a while. That's a recipe for disaster, and it's exactly the opposite of good communication. You can check out u/interpidshe's story below to read the whole debacle for yourself. 

Up next, this hotel front desk worker had the perfect solution for dealing with an impolite guest: turning him away before he could even complete his check-in. 

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    1999
    via CDC on Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Don't Make Others Uncomfortable? This is long, but it has to be to provide the needed details about what happened. About 10 years ago I worked in a team of scientists (which is almost enough the drop the mic right here ) when one day our boss told me others perceive me as "contemptuous." I was shocked beyond words. I
    via u/intrepidshe
  • 03
    certainly did not feel superior or feel contempt for anyone. I was so flabbergasted I was silent for probably 2 solid minutes. I asked for an example of when something I had said or done gave someone that feeling. He said he couldn't divulge that information. OK. Then I asked for an example he had experienced or observed himself. He said he had none. I said, "Since I have no clue what I've done, how am I supposed to adjust my
    via u/intrepidshe
  • 04
    behavior?" He said he didn't know. I said, "Basically then, I just need to not talk?" He said he wasn't sure. I knew right then what to do. I am pretty introverted; and as a child I didn't talk for years. I rarely spoke until I was about 13 years old. Got lots of notes from teachers about how quiet I was. I would answer questions when directly asked, but rarely spoke
    via u/intrepidshe
  • 05
    otherwise. So, my malicious compliance in this situation was easy for me. I just stopped talking except when asked a question. I made a point of smiling, showing I was listening, nodding agreement, etc. I was extremely polite and agreeable. Pretty soon some big issues came up that I had specific knowledge about. I knew how to solve them, but no one else
    via u/intrepidshe
  • 06
    asked. A huge conflict came up between two of our labs because one group wanted it one way and the other group had a different opinion. They fought and fought. People were having secret meetings in their offices to try to win. And when they finally arrived at the action they chose it was wrong. In fact, both groups were wrong. And the whole experiment failed. It's important to know no one was hurt, no property damage or
    via u/intrepidshe
  • 07
    anything like that. Just a LOT of wasted time and expense on materials. But I never said a word. This went on for three weeks. The lab's budget had to be revised. They had to cut travel expenses, which I was ok with because I didn't want to travel anyway. So, no conferences for anyone. This is a big deal for a lot of researchers because it's how we gain notoriety to be able to get grants, among other things.
    via u/intrepidshe
  • 08
    Finally a colleague asked me why I hadn't spoken for so long, why I was so quiet. Was something. wrong? I explained about being told others perceive me as contemptuous. She had the same expression I did when I was told. She said she didn't believe anyone had said that about me. I honestly was surprised again because I believed our boss. Then she asked me what I thought about the experiment design and why it was failing. I
    via u/intrepidshe
  • 09
    told her about the solution I believed would work, which was actually surprisingly simple. She recognized it had a good chance of succeeding and asked me to share the idea at the next department meeting. At that meeting she asked me again in front of everyone and I repeated what I told her. Several people asked why I hadn't spoken up sooner. I explained I had been given feedback that indicated I caused others to feel
    via u/intrepidshe
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    uncomfortable. The whole table of colleagues also looked stunned at me. I said I was committed to not causing such bad feelings and couldn't figure out how to communicate because the feedback didn't give me any specific guidance. Everyone looked at the Director at that point and he said, we shouldn't discuss personnel issues. Ha! It was my issue, so I said, "if anyone here perceives me as contemptuous and said as
    via u/intrepidshe
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    much to our boss, that's the reason I haven't been talking. If you don't feel that way about me, let me know and I will stop being silent." Someone else said we needed to hold a vote so there wouldn't be any more confusion or talking behind anyone's back. They voted 100% for me to talk normally and that they didn't agree that I was ever contemptuous.
    via u/intrepidshe
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    That Director slowly stopped coming to work, month by month after this episode, until he was only showing up 1 day a week. Finally he took a lab position elsewhere and one of my colleagues was promoted to Director.
    via u/intrepidshe
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    And... the experiment was a success. The next year I got a grant to keep the research going and paid for two people to be able to travel to the related conference to present our findings.
    via u/intrepidshe
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    Varnigma I had a boss pull that same once. Wouldn't tell me who said it, what I said that was wrong or provide any examples. I said the same as you, how can I stop doing something if I don't know what I did? I didn't change anything and never heard another word about it.
    via u/Varnigma
  • 15
    glenmarshall Whenever I had a performance review with any negative stuff, I always asked for specifics. Most often there was none, and the source was "confidential". My consistent response was that I could not address something that was vague and unattributed and, strangely enough, the next review had nothing about it. One time my review
    via u/glenmarshall
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    was ghost-written by a manager because my boss, the VP, delegated it. The actual writer got many things wrong, both positive and negative. I escalated it to HR. My boss rescinded the review and disciplined the writer.
    via u/glenmarshall
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    Later on, when I managed people, I learned from this and made sure my employees' reviews were honest, specific, and actionable to reinforce - positives and address negatives.
    via u/glenmarshall
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    CJsopinion You had a bad manager. I often have to talk to staff about their behavior and I can't always say who said what. That said, I communicate clearly with examples about what needs to be changed. How else can the problem be solved?
    via u/CJsopinion

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